Love is the universal language Couples overcome linguistic barriers for lasting relationships

By JENIA FEDOROVA, Staff writer First published: Monday, February 14, 2005

Like a horse and carriage, misunderstanding and marriage go together. But the kind that occurs when two people become husband and wife without speaking the same language is a horse of another color. Roy and Susan Diehl of Albany were introduced through a mutual friend. Her home was China, where she was a teacher. At first, they corresponded by letter, and later by fax and phone, exchanging photos and struggling to communicate. It took her at least a day to translate his letters, while he paid a local interpreter. After six months, he journeyed to China, where the couple saw each other for the first time. They got married and came home to Albany. A decade later, Roy Diehl, 45, remembers sitting with dictionaries in front of each other, searching for the right word to express exactly what they felt. Occasionally, Susan, now 40, would get frustrated because of the "bad words" in Chinese her husband accidentally used, mistakenly thinking they were the synonyms he sought. "Then I thought: Enough!" said Roy, who is a lawyer. "Dictionaries cause too much trouble. We should use the words that we know." Eventually, they found that less was more. "We used simple words, but the connections were very big," Roy said. "Some little things relate to the whole picture". Among the 153,560 married couples in the Capital Region, the Census Bureau estimates 12,500 consist of a husband and wife who spoke different languages when they met. The experiences of several of those couples show their love was never limited by linguistic barriers. English was mastered, and some learned their spouse's tongue. As chairman of the Festival of Nations in Albany, Manoj Ajmera encounters couples from around the globe and has come to see the power of communication in a variety of ways. He emphasizes that you can always find understanding with the one you love. "Language barrier is a minor thing when you are in love," said Manoj, who is originally from India. "You should appreciate the person himself, his culture and his background." Meanwhile, he added, "People who speak the same language may have a lot of problems with understanding each other." Before John and Maryetta Lisi of Syracuse married 45 years ago, they found ways to communicate even though he knew no English and she didn't know any Italian. "You can speak a lot with your eyes, your smile," said Maryetta, 64, who is retired. She has never considered their lack of a common language a real problem. "When something serious came up, we asked his parents -- who had been living in the U.S. for two years before he came -- to translate." However, she recalled, "We argued in our own languages." Annoyance, disapproval and disagreement were clear from the tone of voice, and nasty words, if any, that hurt so bitterly were apparently beyond their understanding, Maryetta said. In that case, the verbal chasm worked in their favor and kept the stress level down. Her husband, now 70, soon went to school to learn English so any old problems are moot. When something inside says you have found the right person, words may be the last thing that matters. For John Dallas it happened on a blind date. From the very first moment he saw Katerina, his Greek wife-to-be, he knew she was the one. "There was something in her warm smile," said Dallas. "Something within me told me that it was my fate." Thanks to his Greek ancestry, his Greek was "passable." Eight days later, the man, who had never believed in happy-ever-after sweet love stories, married her. Thirty-five years later, he and his bride believe that they were blessed. At first, Katerina, who guards her privacy, faced trouble adjusting to life in the United States. Take, for example, getting a driver's license: "In addition to the actual driving test, can you imagine taking the written test in English and not fully knowing the English language? But she did it and passed," her husband boasted. He remembers that he too had to learn to have patience, assuming the roles of "her father, her mother and everything for her in the U.S., since all her friends and family were in Greece. Because she was so motivated, Katerina became fluent in just four years. She got involved in St. Sophia Greek Orthodox Church in Albany, where her husband worshipped, and took an Americanization class at Albany High School, which also prepared her for citizenship. For the Diehls, the past 10 years have been a period of growth and reconnection with Susan's roots. Their children are bilingual. She teaches Chinese at the Chinese Community Center in Albany. Born Xiujuan Zhang, she had changed her name to Susan Diehl because it was a hassle having to spell and repeatedly pronounce it. These days, she is comfortable with her new name and her new language. Her credo has been: "The best way to learn the language is to speak it."   All Times Union materials copyright 1996-2004, Capital Newspapers Division of The Hearst Corporation, Albany, N.Y. CONTACT US | HOW TO ADVERTISE | PRIVACY | FULL COPYRIGHT | CLASSROOM ENRICHMENT